my grandpa was sick for a long time. for the past three years or so we have dealt with the ups and downs of being in and out of hospitals and emergency rooms and nursing homes. he’s gone through heart surgery and dialysis and a kidney transplant and so many other procedures and been in more pain than most people will know in their lifetime. he went from going on his 5ish mile a day walk to being incapable of walking across the street to the mailbox in what seemed like a matter of days. and throughout all of the fear, aches, pains, stress, and frustration… the closest to complaining i ever heard come out of his mouth is “I want to go home.”
this afternoon at 4:15pm my Grandpa went home.
and in reality…asking, pleading, sometimes even begging to go home wasnt a complaint at all. i know my Grandpa wasnt asking to go to heaven in those times… what he really wanted was the comfort of his chair in his familiar living room with my sweet Grandma right by his side. he wanted his remote control, his TV, and the view from their big picture window. he wanted to be able to control the thermostat again and eat my grandma’s cooking instead of hospital food. he wanted to be able to rest without being poked and prodded and squeezed and tested.
but he never said any of that.
just “i want to go home.”
my Grandpa is home now.
its very surreal this feeling of knowing that the man who has been a steady and constant foundation in our family for all of the almost 24 years of my life is no longer on this earth. my heart physically aches to know that i will never hear him pray before a family dinner again. its hard to swallow and almost impossible to accept this reality that my grandpa is really really really gone. and no matter how sick he was, for how long, and how bad it got… nothing could have possibly prepared me for this moment.
my grandpa spoke truth into my life for as long as i can remember. always talking to me about how important it was to know Jesus and go to church. my favorite mental picture of my Grandpa is peeking in the family room door to see him sitting at his desk “studying”… pouring over Scripture and writing for hours into big spiral bound notebooks. (i bet he has 25+ notebooks full of notes & sunday school lessons) my Grandpa was a man who genuinely loved God and His word.
i would give just about anything to hear my grandpa say “it’ll feel better when it quits hurting” or “well there’s brandi randi!” every time i walk in the door. id love one more day out on the lake in the boat with all the cousins. one more fish fry. one more Christmas morning. one more night of homemade popcorn & reruns of “Golden Girls” and “The Commish”. one more FBC Christmas pageant from the balcony while my sister and I ate every single Cert grandpa had in his pocket. one more shopping trip where Grandpa and I ended up sitting on the bench at Wal Mart while he held his shopping bag that contained the only things he wanted… salted peanuts & gum… while we waited on Grandma and Jessi to finish shopping. one more night of ice milk & getting to lay on the pallet in the living room floor. one more sleepover and waking up on saturday morning to Grandma playing her Elvis 8 tracks while she and Grandpa scour the already clean house with vacuum cleaners and pledge. one more time to hear Grandpa yell after us as we all ran down the basement steps… “dont touch the walls!”
my Grandpa spent the past 3 years, but especially the past 3 weeks just wanting to go home.
i am so thankful & blessed beyond belief that the way he lived his life makes me know beyond a shadow of a doubt that home is exactly where he is. no recliner, no picture window, no remote control, no control of the thermostat… but the presence of Jesus & no more sickness or pain.
my Grandpa is home.